Why Tension Is the Key to Behaviour Change (and why we need to stop blaming Asian culture for dodging it)

disruptor diaries Jun 25, 2025

Author: Raatha Ganesh, Black Dog Consultants

Comfort kills change. We all know it. But we still chase it.

For some reason, we’re still designing learning that soothes instead of stretches. That avoids tension like it's an awkward uncle at a wedding.

We call it ‘respect.’ We call it ‘being nice.’
But let’s call it what it really is: avoidance.

If you’re serious about behaviour change, you have to stop equating harmony with progress. The work doesn’t begin until someone feels uncomfortable.

What tension really is

Tension is that awkward silence when someone says what everyone’s been avoiding.

It’s that moment your stomach turns before you speak truth to power.

It’s not cruelty.
It’s not conflict.
It’s the necessary stretch before the shift.

Without tension, there’s no transformation.
Just repetition.

Tension is not a ‘nice to have.’ It’s the ignition switch.
You can’t build muscles without resistance. You can’t change minds without friction.

But here’s the key: tension alone doesn’t do it.
Tension without trust is just a fight.
Tension with trust? That’s transformation.

Why psychological safety isn’t about being nice

People get this bit wrong. A lot.

Psychological safety isn’t about being agreeable. It’s not about avoiding hard conversations.
It’s not about saying yes to keep the peace.

It’s about this:
I can challenge you, and you’ll still trust my intent.
You can challenge me, and I won’t punish you for it.

It’s about having conversations that might sting a little.
But leave the relationship stronger.

That’s what Amy Edmondson meant. That’s what real learning looks like.

The role of trust

Patrick Lencioni called it “vulnerability-based trust.” He was onto something.

If I can admit I don’t know,
If I can own that I got it wrong,
If I can listen without needing to win…

Then we can work with tension.
Not avoid it. Not fear it.

With trust, tension becomes a tool. Without it, it becomes a threat.

But what about Asia?

Let’s stop saying people here don’t speak up. They do. When it feels safe to do so.

Yes, harmony and hierarchy matter in Asia. But using that as an excuse to avoid discomfort?
That’s not culture. That’s fear. People say, “That’s just how things are done in Asia.” That’s not cultural insight. That’s a cop-out.

Culture shapes us. But it doesn’t excuse us.

What does it look like when it’s working

There’s no formula. But here are signs you’re on the right path:

  • A junior says, “That won’t work.” The room goes quiet. Then curious.
  • A manager apologises. No one rescues them.
  • The real meeting starts after the agenda ends.

This is what growth sounds like.

It’s not always neat. It’s rarely smooth. But it’s real. And it sticks.

How we work the tension at BDC

At Black Dog Consultants, we don’t wrap growth in bubble wrap. We hold space for the hard stuff.

We design learning that doesn’t avoid the mess. We invite it in. We help teams feel brave enough to say the thing. And kind enough to hear it.

It’s not always pretty. But it’s always honest.

One last thing

If everything’s running smoothly, ask yourself:

Where’s the tension?

Because growth has friction and if you can’t feel it, you’re probably not changing.

Would you like to walk through some tension together?

We know how to hold the awkward.
And turn it into action.

Let’s talk. Ready to walk into the tension? We’ll go first.

Connect with us on LinkedIn or on our website blackdog-consultants.com. We push the boundaries of corporate learning, so the organisations that partner with us, dare to achieve more.

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